Daniel Mackinnon and Joshua Abrams’ journey to become parents wasn’t an easy one. Not only did the married couple from Ottawa spend nearly a year navigating a sometimes-complicated adoption process, but they were thrown the ultimate curveball when they had to move to Kingston for three months to spend their days in Kingston Health Sciences Centre’s (KHSC) Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
“We took classes and had numerous home visits, but once we were deemed ‘adoption ready’ we realized the waitlists with all the adoption agencies were full. So, we signed up with Canada Adopts, which is an online database built to connect birth parents with potential adoptive parents. We were warned that it would be a lengthy process, but incredibly, our profile was quickly matched with a birth mother who lived in the Kingston area,” explains Mackinnon.
In early June, the couple, who have been together for 16 years, drove down to meet the birth mother who was pregnant with twin boys. They were invited to participate in an ultrasound appointment taking place at the same time at KHSC’s Kingston General Hospital (KGH) site.
After a successful first meeting, the soon-to-be parents planned to spend the rest of the summer going through the legal process to finalize the adoptions before the boys’ Sept. 2 due date. They even booked a short vacation in the middle of June, to take a much-needed rest before they were set to become new parents at the end of the summer.
But the twins had other plans.
The boys were born a few days later, on June 12, three months premature. Little Phoenix weighing one pound, 15 ounces and brother Rockwell tipping the scales at two pounds, five ounces.
“Josh was in the delivery room with the birth mom and that’s where our crazy journey began,” says Mackinnon. “We moved into Almost Home and spent our entire summer in Kingston. We would spend five days in Kingston, then pop back to Ottawa just to check on the house. Our days became the same, go into NICU for a few hours then back to Almost Home, and then back to the NICU in the evening.”
At the same time the couple was balancing life back in Ottawa, a dog, jobs and trying to finalize the actual adoption process which needed to be sped-up dramatically due to premature birth.
“It was an absolute rollercoaster in many different ways,” recalls Mackinnon. “It was a real mix of emotions, on one hand it was the happiest time of our lives, we were growing our family and had two beautiful boys. On the other hand, there were tremendous health concerns.”
“We had some nights where we did not think Phoenix was going to pull through, he had a really tough go,” adds Abrams. “During that time, we really got to know everyone in the NICU, the nurses, doctors, respiratory technologists and the social workers. I get emotional when I think of it because we owe the boys’ lives to them.”
Understandably, the couple says they were thrown into survival-mode.
“We relied on friends and family to get us through and that’s why we couldn’t let everything KHSC did for us go unnoticed. The staff were like therapists for us and supported us. We were welcomed and made to feel like parents, and it was remarkable the level of care the boys received. They really are superheroes,” says Abrams.
Mackinnon echoes that sentiment.
“We know the last few years have been hard for health-care workers, but we never noticed anyone who seemed like they weren’t trying their best at all times, no one was ever in a bad mood. They always put the needs of us and our boys first, not to mention all the little things they did to go above and beyond.
“Dr. Connelly slept in a room close to the NICU one night to keep a close eye on Phoenix because he wasn’t doing well. He called us every few hours to give us updates. The social worker Clare Bowley helped us get the boys’ health cards and get our names on the visitor list because we weren’t even their legal guardians yet. We didn’t have to worry about those little things. The NICU team is truly incredible.”
After three months in the NICU, Rockwell was discharged on Sept. 3, one day after his original due date. Phoenix however needed to remain in the NICU a while longer.
“It was difficult having one child at home back in Ottawa and another in the NICU in Kingston. We didn’t want Phoenix to get care anywhere else other than KHSC, but to help ease the stress on our family Phoenix was eventually transferred to CHEO. He spent another month and a half there before being discharged in October,” says Mackinnon.
Months later, the twins are doing well, allowing the couple to focus on regular parenting problems including sleepless nights and colic. But also celebrating those joyful firsts, like the boys’ first Christmas.
“We can’t say it enough, the entire KHSC team was phenomenal,” added Abrams. “They are our extended Kingston family now. We can’t wait to bring the boys back for a visit when they are a bit older.”
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